Brahmacharya and the Power Sex Has over Our Lives

Dear reader, I know I have been talking about my Brahmacharya Challenge in a few articles before. But let me reveal something that will put everything in a new perspective: my Brahmacharya practice was a scam.

Before you go « What??! » « I knew it! » « She’s a fraud! », « Let’s burn her on a pyre! », allow me a few words in my defense.

I started the Brahmacharya Challenge before diving deep into the yoga philosophy. At that time, I was taking my first yoga teacher training, in San Diego, in the idyllic surroundings of California. I expeditiously gathered some information on the topic of Brahmacharya and because I was experiencing some issues with men, I thought taking a formal vow of celibacy would be an appropriate way to solve them once and for all.

For me, giving up sex wasn’t hard because I always say to myself I have had enough sex for a lifetime. Forgive me, Lord, for I was a sinner.

Sex is and remains one of the most powerful desires of human beings. More so, with the advent of the Internet, sex has literally flooded our lives, making it an accessible commodity. Hence, the mere idea of controlling our sexual desires has become unattainable, not to say obsolete or ridiculous. And here I was, taking the firm commitment to distance myself from sexuality.

In the beginning, all was well.

I gradually went to challenge myself on Tinder, resolutely turning away from my sexual urges. I was testing myself, checking if my state of mental celibacy could be maintained even when being confronted with (serious) temptation.
I mean, “Satin sheets are very romantic. But what happens when you're not in bed?” I was doing much better on my own (Guys, that sentence is, by no means, related to sex).

I felt like a queen on a throne… Erm, until I finally got to know what Brahmacharya was on a deeper level.

“Chastity in thought, word and deed, always, and in all circumstances.” This was Swami Vivekananda’s description of Brahmacharya; one of the most powerful concepts in the field of spirituality and yoga. Let me sum up what happened inside of me after reading this in just one sentence: “Houston, we have a problem.”

I understood right there and then that Brahmacharya was not mere bachelorhood. It also wasn’t the amusement of making people wait for an important verdict when they only care about one thing: yes or no.

Brahmacharya is strict abstinence, not merely from sexual intercourse but also from masturbation, indulgence in erotic imagination, steamy visions, and voluptuous reverie. You are not supposed to think sexually about the other gender or the same gender, if that’s your inclination. It also means you abstain from casual sexual conversations, like sexual jokes.

Well, let me confess, it sounded like an impossible vow to me.

Even though I was not technically indulging in physical sexual activities, my mind, on the contrary, was given free rein to go astray. When I was around a man who titillated my senses, I may have looked calm and composed on the outside, but a simple touch could make me burn like a bonfire on the inside.

Do you picture the image of the Hiroshima nuclear bomb?

That’s what was happening in my head, combusting and melting most of my neurons and leaving me with only the basic brain cells to function (Erm, what’s my name again?). Not to mention that if you spot me staring into space, lost in reverie-land, that was certainly because my mind was wandering into some candid or erotic fantasies.

I could hardly expect to have a strict mental Brahmacharya. Those yogis who were leading lives of ascetic celibacy shattered my illusions.

I was convinced I was reaching the top but was just making a vain effort⎯“Title of Your Sex Tape” would have added Jack Peralta from “Brooklyn Nine-Nine.”

In addition to that, I slowly came to a few new realizations about my practice and myself.

Primo, although my initial formal vow was a great help and a sure shield against temptation and lust, I became aware that I was somehow using it as a potent weapon to wage war against men and a protective armor from the fear of being hurt.

It was as if I was walking with an open and unhealed wound and putting the protective wrap of the Brahmacharya around me to prevent what hurt me before from ever hurting me again.

The second real light bulb moment happened when I understood I had gone from one extreme to another: from a high sex drive to an “apparent” chaste and vegetative libido. I had squashed my perfectly natural desires in order to protect myself from my own lack of discrimination and discernment. In response to that, sex jokes and double entendre became an outlet for my repressed sexuality. You may have noticed that, right?

It is said that in the practice of Brahmacharya, what is wanted is the elimination of lust but not suppression or repression.

Suppression or repression of sexual desire is not eradication.

You can never be free of that which is suppressed or repressed.

Because, at one point, the senses that are put under restraint for some months or years become rebellious. They revolt and knock you out when opportunities arise…

Well, I decided to cut myself off from sexual energy and practice celibacy.

And I practiced for years. Yes, not months, years!

I certainly hadn’t practiced it in its purest form and traditional, monastic sense. And yes, it may have led me to some sort of sexual repression. I’m pretty sure my sexual desire is held like a water dam and sooner or later, if the occasion arises, the water would break through.

But my Brahmacharya Challenge has definitely helped me to take my power back and enforce my personal boundary around sex. It was an intentional act of self-love, a pause to reflect and get to know myself, and a simile prayer to reach purity.

I believe that⎯even if we live in a radically different world from that of the ancient yogis who spelled out the discipline’s original precepts⎯Brahmacharya still has its well-deserved place in our modern lives!

When I took my yoga journey, I decided I wanted to bring consciousness to every aspect of my life⎯ including sexuality.

Today, I consider the closest definition, which reflects that aspiration is the one of Judith Hanson Lasater, Ph.D., an American physical therapist and yoga teacher, “What brahmacharya means is a deep clarity about sexual energy. (…) First and foremost, it means being aware of your own sexuality, being clear about your feelings and needs at every moment.”

Brahmacharya requires us to carefully consider the relationship between our lives on the yoga mat and our lives under the sheets, to be clear about the sexual choices we make.

And most importantly, to treat our bodies as sacred temples.